Yes, The Golden Rule Can Thrive in the Middle Grades!

“The most important thing a kid can learn is who they are. You have to decide who you are and recognize this is a journey you are on. I look at the kids and say, ‘You don’t all have to be the same kid. But if you know who you are, your life is going to be a lot better.’ Kids who don’t know who they are make bad decisions and get into all kinds of mischief.” Rafe Esquith (excerpt from One-on-One with America’s Most Inspiring Teachers) 

Most middle school students experience a few years in which they develop inwardly a skewed sense of self. During this period of time their identity has an “important-at-all-times” focus. Their personal and social concerns often dominate over their academic concerns. Given these feelings of wanting to belong, middle school students are fiercely loyal to peer group values and sometimes cruel and insensitive to those outside of the peer group. Often lost in this storm of social-emotional growth, students don’t think much about how others feel. What are some ways we can help middle school students navigate through this self-centered period toward a more empathetic way of thinking and behaving? How can we as educators help students embrace the importance of treating others the way they want to be treated? Here are few suggestions.

1. Good Literature- Read books with your students that portray a young protagonist that must make a moral decision. Tell students that Huck Finn is not about Huck Finn, it’s about them. What would they do? Animal Farm is not about the animals, it’s about them and what they would do in that situation. Students read all of these characters, themes, and lessons and start to decide the most important thing a kid can learn; who they are becoming. 

 

Here are some books that allow teachers to start a conversation and get middle school students thinking about the person they are becoming. 

Harry Potter and the Sorcer’s Stone

To Kill a Mockingbird

Anne of Green Gables

The Lovely Bones

The Ender’s Game

The Book Thief

The Giver

James and the Giant Peach

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Where the Red Fern Grows

2.  Share examples of Empathy- Students need to know that there are students their own age doing courageous things in order to stand up for what is right. Educators can do this by sharing articles or videos each day. I can think of no other way to start the day than sharing a quick inspirational video or article with students. Below are a couple of examples

Danny's Day

  Inspirational Softball Story

Sportsmanship Feel Good Moment

2012 Sportsmanship Awards- Demetrius De Moors

Teaching our students the Golden Rule is just as important as any other standard we are charged with teaching. I want our students to see themselves as Huck Finn as he is going down the river and seeing the hypocrisy, the racism, and the violence and saying,“ I’m leaving and I don’t want to be a part of this society.” I want them to see in themselves the bravery of Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird) who when he is asked by his children, “Are we going to win the case?” and he says “No.” But he still takes the case. He doesn’t run away. He goes into the courtroom and he fights the fight that he can. If we expose our students to others showing courageous character I’m confident they are much more likely to rise to the occasion when their Atticus Finch moment arrives.

Trust: The Engine for Getting Things Done

When the Great Recession struck in 2008, Americans lost confidence in many leaders and the ideal of leadership itself. They have become much more skeptical of those with power, authority, and influence. Skepticism is not always a bad thing. It can force leaders to be more intentional about earning and keeping their people's trust. Without trust a leader's influence is like a car without an engine. You can sit in the driver's seat and look good, but you aren't going anywhere. Here are a few suggestions to build trust.

• BE TRANSPARENT - Just plain old honesty is the best policy. Be upfront about your weaknesses and mistakes. Ask for help when you need it. So many leaders feel the need to demonstrate that they have the answers and don't make mistakes. If you are a leader and you are reading this then brace yourself for what I'm about to tell you. YOUR FOLLOWERS ALREADY KNOW YOUR WEAKNESSES! If you don't admit your weaknesses and mistakes you are seen as unauthentic or fake to your people. People find honesty and humility attractive. When leading during difficult times, transparency is your ally. Leaders should address major concerns openly and frankly, not behind closed doors. They need to show that they recognize the concerns of everyone on the team.
• INVOLVE THE TEAM IN SOLVING PROBLEMS - The knee-jerk reaction to a problem is to close the door with just your inner-circle and solve it. The people closest to the problem often have the best solutions. Building trust means allowing your people to help solve your largest challenges.
• BE A SERVANT LEADER - It's your job to serve those you lead. Leading is not about power, title, or authority. It's the ability to both earn and keep the loyalty and trust of those we lead. If you add value to the lives of your followers, then you will have earned their trust and loyalty.
• LEAD BY EXAMPLE - What you say as a leader and what you do as a leader must align. Have you known leaders who have said one thing and done another? Human nature gives us the ability to see others' faults without seeing our own. It creates a blind-spot for all of us. The best way to find out how you are doing in the area of leading by example is to ask a trusted colleague for their observations and feedback. 

Trust is the foundation of leadership. Without it you are leading with only the authority of the position. If you want to get people's best efforts, you have to earn their trust and never take it for grant it.

Nine Principles for Leading Up

Recently, I was in search for something new to read. I came across a book a former superintendent had given all principals and assistant principals about ten years ago. The book is entitled, The 360 Degree Leader, by John C. Maxwell. I must confess that I didn't take the time to read it 10 years ago, but I'm enjoying it now. One particular portion of the book really spoke to me, the nine principles to follow in order to lead others in any organization. Here are those nine principles in a nut shell.

1. Lead yourself exceptionally well. Nothing will make a better impression on your leader than your ability to manage yourself. If your leader must continually expend energy managing you, then you will be perceived as someone who drains time and energy.
2. Lighten your leaders load. We can lift people up or take people down in our relationships. If you help lift the load, then you help your leader succeed. If you continually help others, then others will eventually want to help you. Even if the leader you work for never turns around to lift you up in return, someone who has seen you doing that lifting will extend a hand to you.
3. Be willing to do what others won't. You learn resiliency and tenacity during tough assignments, not easy ones. When tough choices have to be made and results are difficult to achieve, leaders are forged.
4. Do more than manage- Lead! Managers work with processes- leaders work with people. People do the work and manage the processes, and people don't function like machines. They have feelings. They think. They have problems, hopes, and dreams. Though people can be managed, they would much rather be led. And when they are led, they perform at a much higher level.
5. Invest in relational chemistry. All good leadership is based on relationships. People won't go along with you if they can't get along with you. That's true whether you are leading up, across, or down.They key to developing chemistry with your leaders is to develop relationships with them.
6. Be prepared every time you take your leader's time. Prepare for every minute that you will spend with your leader. Five minutes of thinking can often save an hour of work. The less relational connection you have with your leaders, the more time you ought to put in on the front end preparing. The less your leaders know about you, the smaller the window of time you have to prove yourself.
7. Know when to push and when to back off. Timing is critically important to leadership. It's wise to wait for the right moment to speak up. A great idea at the wrong time will be received just the same as a bad idea. Here are some questions to ask yourself. Do I know something my boss doesn't but needs to? Is time running out? Are my responsibilities at risk? Can I help my boss win? Here are few questions you need to ask yourself if you feel as though you may be pushing to hard. Am I promoting my own agenda? Have I already made my point? Must everyone but me take the risk? Does the atmosphere say "no"? Is the timing right only for me? Does my request exceed our relationship?
8. Become a Go-To player. Winning teams have players that make things happen. Those team members who can make things happen are their go-to players. They demonstrate consistent competence, responsibility, and dependability. Go-To players produce when the pressure is on, when the resources are few, when the momentum is low, when the load is heavy, when the leader is absent, and when the time is limited.
9. Be better tomorrow than you are today. The better you are, the more people listen.So how to you become better tomorrow? Learn you craft today. On a wall in the office of a huge tree farm hangs a sign. It says, "The best time to plant a tree is twenty-five years ago. The second best time is today." There is no time like the present to become an expert at your craft.

I hope that you use these nine principles. I recommend that you buy John C. Maxwell's book, The 360 Degree Leader.

Never Use Technology as a Substitute for Leadership

    

     Have you ever sent an email or text message that was totally taken in a way other than what you intended? I sent one of those emails last week that threw me into damage control. I found myself saying, "Wait, wait, wait, that's not what I was intending to communicate to you". It got me thinking about a recent article in Success Magazine titled, "Managing Technology". Listed below are the big ideas.

1. Leadership is personal and relational. Leaders touch a heart before they ask for a hand. This requires a personal touch that can't be achieved through technology.
2. People want to feel heard. Hearing someone is an expression of caring enough to listen - Face-to-Face.
3. Never use technology as a shield for a tough conversation. The leader owes it to their people to have those tough conversations in person. Those conversations are often unpleasant but are a price we pay as a leader. There should never be a disconnected, impersonal email, text message, or voice mail for tough conversations. When we have these conversations face-to-face you can see how they respond to your observations and come to an agreement of how to proceed together.
4. Never use technology when a more personal approach is available. Leadership is personal, interactive, instinctive, and dynamic. Don't email if you can make a call. Don't call if you can meet face-to-face. This will help to maintain and improve relationships with your followers.

     This week as I look at the list of emails that need to be sent on my to-do list, I plan to slow down and think about the best way to communicate. I hope you will as well.